Once you decide you want a baby and this is just about the right time, you have to ask yourself the important question: are you making your own or adopting someone else’s?
For us, it came down to very practical purposes: money. Even without the support of insurance, seven months of trying costs us approximately $8,000, including doctor visits and donor… materials.
Adoption fees are easily $20,000-$30,000, plus you can never be certain you’ll actually be selected. And while we did preliminary research, my crazy brain was already dealing with us being denied by agencies or mothers simply because we were lesbians. Plus, the wife is self-employed and while I have a steady income stream that can support a frugal 3, we may not look like the best bet to this panel of judges I envision standing before.
Plus… I wanted to be pregnant. I never really thought I did, but watching my boss have her first child in 2009 switched the baby hormones in me from off to on and suddenly, I wanted to be pregnant like I never had before.
I had always been one of those children who envisioned adopting all of their children and fostering the unwanted, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt the want to have a child that is biologically related to me or my wife. To see my eyes reflected back at me. Maybe I’m selfish, maybe it’s biological urges wanting to pass on my genes. But this, combined with the financial reality, made the choice simple.
I don’t regret our decision, even 9 weeks into this pregnancy. I will say that even this early, it is much harder than I thought it would be.