Monthly Archives: June 2014

Diary of Bed Time, Pregnancy Style

10pm – Think about going to bed… but maybe I’ll check Facebook first

10:30pm – Actually begin going to bed

10:45pm – finish night time ablutions, actually get in bed. Lie on back for two minutes until you remember that doing so causes lower abdominal pain and may cut off blood flow to the baby. Roll onto your side and hug your new body pillow.

12am – briefly awoken when wife comes to bed.

2am – right shoulder hurts. Roll over to left side, rearranging pillow appropriated.

3:30am – left hip has gone painful / numb and bathroom needs have become urgent. Get up.

4am – cat comes in, crying for attention and then eventually snuggles up to the wife after rousing the dog, who comes over to investigate, shakes herself loudly and then goes back to bed.

5am – right hip hurts and AC has made you too cold, roll over again. Rearrange body pillow without smacking wife in the face. Only partially successful. Add covers

6:45am – wake up because it’s gotten light up. Stay cozed as is.

7am – left shoulder hurts. Rearrange slightly.

7:30am – first alarm goes off. Wife cuddles up, drift cozily back to sleep

7:40am – HOLY CRAP SO HOT. Try to carefully disengage wife without waking her.

7:45am – second alarm goes off. Drag myself out of bed.



Full Whew

Departmental supervisor was told and had a very positive reaction. While I am still trying to make sure he wasn’t replaced with a pod person, I went ahead and told the rest of my department this week. I thought I’d finished yesterday, but then I remembered I forgot two colleagues at the end of the hall. Never believe that pregnancy brain isn’t a thing! I’ve also screwed up an email by renaming a Robert to Roland and had to send out a correction letter after I mistyped an amount.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I either need my second, midwife-approved cup of coffee for the day… or a nap.

Half a Whew

I told my immediate supervisor today and it went just fine. I still have to discuss it with my department head, which may be difficult, but still. No one panicked. No one made wildly inappropriate comments. I still get to tell Facebook on Thursday. Not sure how I’m going to tell the rest of the office, but yes. Much relieved.

T-Minus 20 Hour to P-Day

I’ve been referring to tomorrow as P-Day among loved ones. Otherwise known as the day I tell work about my fetus. I. Am. Nervous.

I have no reason to think that it won’t be accepted with anything other than grace and kindness by most of my colleagues. And despite all of the assurances that I’m not going to quit, that I’ll be back and better than ever, I worry about things like mommy tracking or underplaying the work I’ve done this year in my upcoming review because they’re assuming I’ll quit when my paid leave is over. Never mind that work knows that I’m primary earner and need the health insurance. Or that I’ve worked my ass off for them for the past 22 weeks, despite being pregnant and having morning sickness, heartburn and unending fatigue. I spent basically all of Friday night and Saturday standing and working (and trust me, I’m so glad I took today off to recover, I’m really feeling it today).

I don’t have a set plan right now for how they should cover my maternity leave because I thought they’d probably want input for it, but I have suggestions. And overall, I’m not taking that much time. It’s going to be about three months. Unfortunately, it’s going to be during our busiest season, but don’t blame me – we started in June thinking that I’d deliver in March, right during one of our slower periods. My ovaries didn’t agree. If it was Canada, I might be taking a full year.

But yeah, I’m nervous. I can control a lot in my life, but I can’t control their reactions. Or the potentially awkward questions I’m going to get about fatherhood and working plans. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

I’m also so glad to let the cat out of the bag. To start wearing maternity clothes instead of hiding my changing stomach under blousy dresses and blazers. To explain why I’ve had so many doctor appointments lately. To let my colleagues know when the baby is kicking, show sonogram pictures and debate baby names.

But still. I’m nervous.


As part of the birth process, we have to work with several independent birth partners. We have to hire a birth assistant from a list provided by the midwives and we have to attend some kind of natural childbirthing class. Both processes have been infuriating.

No one has a web page. No one responds to email in a timely fashion. Everything’s vague. It’s phone or nothing, which is really unhelpful when trying to schedule things without inadvertently revealing your pregnancy to your workplace. And even on the phone, people are flaky. I guess a good midwife is very process focused with a single track mind, but it makes for a shitty business person.

And then there are the birth classes. I can’t find shit. Practitioners have websites, but their latest class listings ended in May with no suggestion of when the next will be scheduled. Or they don’t list prices. Or if/when they have classes. Or where they have classes. Or it’s a 45 minute drive from my house. Or they don’t cover the curriculum I’m interested in. Or it’s only when I have grad school classes. Or think that Virginia Beach is near Washington, DC. Or the web page is broken. The web page is constantly broken. I need to book a class that starts sometime at the end of June or the beginning of July (for a 12 week course) and I can’t find shit that works for my pretty non-specific tastes somewhat near my work or home.

Unless I want private classes, which are more money for less time. Because that sounds like a great option. Not to mention my midwives are frustratingly unspecific for what they want.

It is 2014. I am somehow considered a Millenial. I don’t want to spend 10-15 minutes on the phone or writing you an email to discover that you’re not offering classes for fall babies. I have four people in my 200 person Facebook group having a baby in October, the demand is goddamn there.

I think I need some protein. Or a nap.

Anatomy Scan – IT’S A GIRL

After a couple of weeks of not that much, suddenly I have many things! But I’ll take them thing by thing. First thing, we had our anatomy scan on Monday. They recommend getting it at 16-22 weeks, but at our first trimester screen; they recommending waiting until later so things were clearer. We waited until 20.5 weeks.

The suspense was TERRIBLE. I have two friends also due in October who knew the baby’s sex last month. I distracted myself by not thinking about it and running a small contest on twitter. The appointment was at 1:30 on Monday and all of Monday morning was like… OK, so when I proposed to my wife, I did it at home – I made a tableau in the basement and cooked a nice dinner and bought a couple bottles champagne while she was out with friends. She called me to tell me she was dropping a friend off at the metro and would be home in a few minutes. I spent the next 20 minutes at my kitchen sink, washing the same dish over and over in a frenzied excitement while pretending to be casual when she got home. That’s what Monday morning was like.

Not to mention I had a dream early Monday morning where we had our appointment, I forgot the doctor note (which, I would have, thanks subconscious!!!) and the tech told us we were having a boy to our extreme disappointment (which is funny, because I wanted a boy IRL).

At the appointment, literally, she touched the wand to my stomach and told us (after confirming we wanted to know) that it was a girl. And then we both cried (with happiness). The remainder of the appointment was about an hour and a half of checking various anatomy to make sure it was in its proper place and taking ultrasound pictures (which I’ll share eventually). It’s so fun to watch a baby squirm around in your stomach! And man, she was active. Turns out every time I’ve felt her kick, she’s been doing like a somersault or flipping over in there. And she’s doing that a lot.

The words you look for a lot in this situation is “good” or “normal” or “exactly where you should be.” It’s pretty much about the only situation I want to be normal. And everything is. Our baby girl is 13 ounces (about the weight of a can of coke!) and hits due date exactly where we thought it should be. Of course, going through artificial insemination takes a lot of guesswork out of it all!

The evening after the scan, like first trimester, I felt exhausted and sore. Apparently, I was holding the Wife’s hand so hard that her hand got tired, so I must have been tensing, though it didn’t feel that way at the time. It’s been a rough few days that way.

More about our 20 week midwife visit, my new food plan and other fun stuff soon.