Category Archives: I Dunno But It’s Better than Uncategorized

Mothering Instinct

No joke, I just pulled a grown ass man out of traffic. I guess mothering instinct is kicking in? I am still laughing at myself.

See, at the metro stop near my work, there is what looks like a 4 way intersection that is actually a 5 way and affects the crosswalk. When with pedestrian traffic gets a green light, pedestrians always think they can go (even though they have a don’t walk), when in reality, there is a right turn lane that allows cars through for 30 seconds or so. Every damn morning (unless there’s a traffic cop paying attention), someone jaywalks, then nearly gets hit by a car, then has to back up and it slows the whole flow.

This morning, the guy next to me stops, the light goes green (but not the pedestrian light), he looks both ways and steps out into a crosswalk. I say “Dude, no.” and then GRAB HIM BY THE FOREARM and yank him back just as an SUV goes around the corner. Then we both just start laughing. I apologize, the light changes, we start walking, I apologize and say it was inappropriate, he says it’s OK, it was cute and we go about our day.

But yeah, I’m still amazed I did that. In my defense, I am super tired today, so maybe the appropriateness filter isn’t there?


Welcome, APW!

I wrote a thing that’s on APW today about how I’m still not really sure I’m a grown up. Are we sure? Really?

I mean, the universe is giving us a baby. Really? To us? Because I’m pretty sure we’re gonna break it, and break it pretty quickly. Maybe that’s what all parents do in their own ways, but even if I fill out the warranty card, I don’t know if we can get this done right.

We’ll find out. 5 weeks and counting. (OMG 5 weeks and counting!!!!)

Shit’s Getting Real

I am 34 weeks. We attended a birth planning meeting yesterday held by our midwives to discuss expectations and plans. At least once I day, I watch my stomach move around with a frequency and intensity that I expect an alien to burst out. I have taken a breastfeeding class and have signed up for two more. We have two showers in two weeks and half our friends with kids are unloading stuff they don’t want anymore on us. (Dear friends who have done this, I LOVE YOU) We’re interviewing a temp for while I’m out on leave.

But the kicker?

I just recycled a bottle of 300 prenatal vitamins that I bought in February. That felt like so many days when I got it, an eternity away. But it’s empty now. And I pulled it out from its hiding place behind a sweater in my cabinet and recycled it in the office kitchen, unafraid that someone would see it and start asking questions. It’s still hard for me to let go of that lingering ‘I CAN’T TELL ANYONE’ feeling. Which is made even funnier, because strangers and acquaintances still don’t realize I’m pregnant until I drop baby hints.

Keep cooking, baby. But this is getting real.

High Five?

I work a block away from a medical building that has an OB-GYN practice, two ultrasound facilities and the local breastfeeding center. There are a *lot* of pregnant ladies around where I work.

I cannot tell you how hard it is for me not to point at my stomach and point at their stomach and do some kind of crazy nod of pregnant lady sisterhood. Like we should have some kind of secret, pregnant lady handshake because we understand the need to run to the bathroom every hour on the hour.

I think it’s partly because while I think I look pregnant and people who know me and know I’m pregnant think I look pregnant, the rest of the world… hasn’t changed how it sees me at all. I don’t get offered seats on the metro. I’ve had to tell several coworkers I’m pregnant while I’m standing in front of them talking. We did a work retreat last week where we networked with people in our department that we hadn’t met… and none of them had any idea I was pregnant, much less 6 months pregnant. I shared some of that with the bump gallery of the ravelry group I joined for solidarity and they were actually all very sweet about it, but it’s somehow not the same.

I guess I want some kind of recognition from strangers that my body is doing a lot of work right now.

Or really, just the pregnant lady high five.

Hello? You there?

Strangely, no one has this gif for a baby

Everyone keeps asking me if I talk to the baby. The answer is no, not really. And then I feel guilty, like I should have these long, involved conversations with my tiny parasite.

But what do you say? Tell her all my hopes and dreams for her, whisper sweet nothings, tell her no, she can’t have another Captain Cookie sandwich for lunch? In my head, she’s just sleeping and kicks when she turns over to get comfortable. Also, she’s a fetus. At 26 weeks, she could live on her own outside me with serious medical intervention, but she’s not capable of rational thought. We can’t discuss if she liked last night’s So You Think You Can Dance. She’s only kind of a baby.

I think it kind of boils down to the fact that pregnancy is insidious. Change creeps in about the edges. One day your boobs hurt and the next week, you’ve gone up a cup size. You’re hungry Monday and on Tuesday, you’ve gained 2 pounds. It’s so sudden and so slow. I still haven’t quite grasped the fact that I’m making a person. There’s not a lot of conscious choice and a surrender of control of your body.

Do I talk to the baby? Not really. But I am always aware of her.

Diary of Bed Time, Pregnancy Style

10pm – Think about going to bed… but maybe I’ll check Facebook first

10:30pm – Actually begin going to bed

10:45pm – finish night time ablutions, actually get in bed. Lie on back for two minutes until you remember that doing so causes lower abdominal pain and may cut off blood flow to the baby. Roll onto your side and hug your new body pillow.

12am – briefly awoken when wife comes to bed.

2am – right shoulder hurts. Roll over to left side, rearranging pillow appropriated.

3:30am – left hip has gone painful / numb and bathroom needs have become urgent. Get up.

4am – cat comes in, crying for attention and then eventually snuggles up to the wife after rousing the dog, who comes over to investigate, shakes herself loudly and then goes back to bed.

5am – right hip hurts and AC has made you too cold, roll over again. Rearrange body pillow without smacking wife in the face. Only partially successful. Add covers

6:45am – wake up because it’s gotten light up. Stay cozed as is.

7am – left shoulder hurts. Rearrange slightly.

7:30am – first alarm goes off. Wife cuddles up, drift cozily back to sleep

7:40am – HOLY CRAP SO HOT. Try to carefully disengage wife without waking her.

7:45am – second alarm goes off. Drag myself out of bed.