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Good Intentions

Tell me I’m going to deliver early. Tell me I can’t have the baby yet. Tell me that the full moon means she’ll come that week. TELL ME ONE MORE THING ABOUT MY BODY AND WHAT’S APPROPRIATE FOR IT TO DO.

Your good intentions are killing me inside. Seriously.

Because they mean so. freaking. well. They (and it’s 9/10 times women with adult children) just want to share! It’s not going to be like you expect. All of these things will happen. Your plans will never last longer than a second. Cloth diapering is cumbersome (not these days! cloth diapers are made of genius and magic and will probably still be a giant pain, yet). You’re not going to want to come back to work. Blah blah blah.

First, I find it SO FRUSTRATING at the “you’re not going to want to go back to work.” Because I don’t think you realize how much of a fucking privilege it is to have a parent stay at home with a child. I am sure I am going to spend the first week back in the office crying about how much I miss the baby. But I don’t have a choice, as I have repeatedly stated. If this baby wants health insurance, I will be at work. Also, we will be having a parent at home with the baby. It’s just not going to be me. And you know, if I realize I’d much rather be at work than home with the baby, hey, thanks for making me feel bad about that choice!

I can’t feel mad at people for wanting to help and offering what they perceive to be well meaning advice. But it continues to feel like people are trying to dictate what my body should do, how I should feel and how I should react to that. It’s beyond frustrating and it’s almost condescending. Yes, it is Monday and I am back at work! My due date isn’t until next Friday and I didn’t tell you I went into labor! Don’t be surprised!

I’m not having this baby until Halloween just to spite everyone.

Ow. Ow ow ow. Ow.

Sometimes I feel like I should write a book called “The Things No One Told You About Pregnancy.” I mean, I’m sure someone did tell me and if I read month by month in the Mayo Clinic book or somewhere else, I wouldn’t be continually surprised by things. Like, did you know your nipples just leak after birth? Just randomly a thing?

Today, it’s side body pain. Dude, my ribs are killing me. It started at 34 weeks but a few days ago, it got *rough* on my left side. To the point where I can’t sleep on that side anymore. Trust, I’ve tried, but after an hour or two, I have a deep, niggling, something wrong that’s not just sore muscles pain in my abdomen.

So now I can only sleep on my right side, which means that my right hip and shoulder are killing me. I also tend to sleep in a way that I call ‘sentry duty’ – meaning I wake up every hour or two, look at the clock, make sure we haven’t been attacked by aliens, roll over and go back to sleep. Except now I can’t roll over, so instead I get up and go to the bathroom. Because that’s something else that they don’t really tell you, you’ll have to get up multiple times in a night to pee.

But the left side rib pain has become constant. It gets worse, probably when baby girl is kicking me in the ribs, but it’s pretty much always there. The pain level is like a 2, but as anyone with a toothache knows, a constant 2 can become intolerable by hour 6. Tylenol is made of magical fairy dust, at least for a couple of hours, but I’m really trying to stay chemical free during this pregnancy. Off to the chiropractor again today. They didn’t really help last time, but hey, maybe this time? Maybe?

Also, OW.

Grrr

Is pregnancy rage a thing? Because, frankly, I’m going to start bashing heads and going on a crazy lady rampage. I give it two weeks until I go apeshit and/or get myself fired.

My back aches continually. Sleeping is uncomfortable. I’m always tired. I’m always hungry. I always have heartburn. My bullshit tolerance level has gone from 7 to 2. My job requires a bullshit tolerance level of at least 5.

I still have 12 more weeks to go. This is not going to be pretty.

What to bring a new mom

I was surprised by the stuff I needed after giving birth. Going to visit a new mom? You might want to bring some of these things.
Crappy sheets
Granny panties
Gigantic box of maxi pads
Puppy pads
Juice or smart water (A lot – my midwives wanted me on 2-3 quarts a day)
Nursing snacks
Lactation cookies
Vitamin E oil
One handed dinners

But what I can’t stress enough – call her, tell you’re going coming over by a certain time and you’re going shopping for her first… Then ask her to text you a list. That way, she doesn’t have to think of everything immediately, but can still get what she needs. Those first two days, MiMi went to Target at least twice, to get recovery needs, baby supplies we hadn’t thought to get and groceries.